Thursday, February 15, 2007

Living In a Refrigerator

Jimmy hated the winter. He was a big guy so it was always surprising to everyone how quickly he felt the cold.

"This wind goes right through me. Why do we live here? It's like living in a refrigerator" he'd growl and then throw in a couple of 'brrs' and shiver for extra drama.

Naturally, I called him a baby and if snow was convenient I'd scoop it up and throw it at him. If this is painting a picture of a playful snowball fight ensuing and ending in a major sex scene by the fire, it didn't go that way. It never went that way.

Snow to Jimmy an anti-aphrodisiac. In fact, it was probably the only thing that didn't turn him on. (although he did appreciate the hot chocolate)

"Why do people ski?" he say. "I like sand beneath my toes."

This morning as I looked out at the driveway that was transformed to a skating rink I thought I heard Jimmy's voice, "HA!"

I had to be in the city by noon for a luncheon for a
Gotham Networking luncheon at the Friars Club. My car looked like an igloo. Again, I heard "HA!"

"HA! Yourself" I said to a nearby photo. "It's invigorating and fun and scrapping off the car will be a challenge!"

Finding and then putting on my snow boots on was the first challenge. Locking the door behind me was another. The lock had froze and my key wouldn't slip in. I went back into the house and turned on burning hot water, poured it into a paper cup, then "ouch!" doubled the paper cup.

Splashing burning hot water on the lock worked and I smirked as I turned the key. As I inched like Tim Conway on the old Carol Burnett Show down the steps towards my car I slipped and hung onto the mailbox. Then, I realized I left the scrapper in the house and had steady myself and climb up again. The lock was frozen again. I stood outside with no hot water.

Brainstorm: I'll go in through the garage. I gingerly got down the steps and slid across the driveway to the garage door. I put the code in and open sesame - the garage lifted up and I went in - to the garage, but the door to the house was locked.

The 'fun' part was pretty much over and 'invigorating' had turned to freakin' freezing. I felt like a contestant on Survivor, except for the fact I was decked out in a cute little mink jacket, my neighbors were 20 feet away and it had only been 15 minutes.

As I ice-skated over to my trunk where I prayed I kept a scrapper I slipped again and this time grabbed hold of a skinny tree on the side of the driveway.

All these near misses made me think of what could have happened. If I had fallen and landed on my head I may have lived and been a burden to my children or choice number two I could have smacked my head even harder and been reunited with Jimmy.

Another "HA" somewhere inside my head gave me the wherewithall to balance myself. I would never hear the end of it from him if living in a refrigerator killed me.

Literally, I'd be hearing "HA! HA! HA" for all eternity.

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