I'm beginning to attempt to use the word 'died.' Jean, my shrink says that 'passed away' is a cop out. She says that people fumble with the word 'die' to keep their loved one present.
She insists, "Jimmy didn't pass away. He died." Is she reminding me?
Her tone is biting and too aggressive for me. I'm feeling fragile. I've taken a few steps back and she needs to take it easy with me. Shouldn't she see this? Is this tough love or is she trying out new comedy material on me?
She doesn't stop. "If he passed away where did he go?" She waves her hands and as they float in the air she hesitates like she's waiting for the audience to get the joke.
The cackling of her imagined fans 'dies' down and she continues. "I also hear '"I lost my husband." ' I tell my clients. "No. He's not lost. He knows exactly where he is."
I'm squirming and becoming teary yet also finding this oddly funny. This sounds like a routine
that Jackie Mason might do.
When they told me Jimmy had ____ in my head I knew that meant he was ___. I never expected my husband to come back, walk in the door as so many people who have lost loved ones express.
Still, it's almost impossible for me to say he ____.