Profile This!

On my profile page for dating services I had to choose...

1. dating

2. long term relationship

3. marriage

4. marriage and children

Children would be a miracle so that ruled out number 4. Looking for "marriage" sounds like I ought to present a resume. I'd be forced to divulge: Are my teeth all my own? Do I have mood swings? If so, are they controlled by medication?

Must I hand over a notorized letter of recommendation from my past employer? Wait, that would be my husband. Fortunately, he's unable to challenge the high marks I give myself in the only real category that counts - sex. Let's face it, all else is forgiven if your bedroom score is a ten.

I considered checking "long term relationship" but I don't want to be exclusive right out of the gate. I need to figure out who I am as a single woman and how it feels to be part of a couple again. Do I even know who would fit?

So, I circled "dating," But, what is dating? ... a chance to practice flirting - is batting your eyes still popular or will he think I have a twitch? Do I offer to split the bill with him?... an empty gesture and a deal breaker if he says yes.

I'm not the type to take long walks on the beach. Must I confess this? It's Winter. Hot tubs are noisy and overrated... it's like sitting in a huge toilet that's constantly flushing. I don't ski, play golf or like to go over 30 mph in a convertible.

I'm quite a catch. Call me.