Monday, September 14, 2009

My Widow Advice #28 I've Turned Into A Cougar

Dear Poor Widow Me,

I would like to know if I'm crazy. I lost my husband only six months ago.  I understand this is not a very long time period compared to other bloggers who have written to you.

The truth is I could have written to you three months ago, had I had the guts to do so. 

I am 52 years old.  I am not in bad shape.  I consider myself still a sexy gal.  I have been on a fantasy campaign. I have been screwing guys on first dates, in strange places, under crazy circumstances - and I can't stop.  The funkier the situation the better!

My sex life for 28 years was nondescript at best.  I thought I was happy and "satisfied."  I am now in cougar mode and I can seem to slow it down.  One of my dates asked me if he could bring a friend over tonight.   I never hesitated and said sure, man or woman?  It's a man (thank God - I think)

I never batted an eye when he asked me.  You don't know me, but this is a 180 degree turn around for me.  I never cheated or even thought about it more than the average married woman does.

I don't even know if I WANT to stop.  I would be happy just to understand what is going on.  Any light you could shine would help.

Scorpia

Dear Scorpia,

Is that your name or your horoscope sign?  Oh, that would be Scorpio.  Sorry - I'm just betting it's not your real name. 

You're not crazy, sweetie. You're horney. And, I don't believe for a second that you were happy and "satisfied" for 28 years.  You know I'm right.  No doubt you feel foolish for staying so long in a medicore marriage. 

If your funky escapades began 3 months after your husband's death I bang my gavel down (not literally) on you as "Guilty for wanting to feel alive."

Do you know what married couples do when they come home from a funeral?  They make love - it washes off death.  Physical contact fills them up with life.  (And, the orgasm ain't tough to take, either)

Scorpia, you say that while you were married you didn't think about being with another man more than average wife does, but who knows how often that is?  Perhaps I should take a survey among my readers and married friends. 

 I think fantasizing is directly proportional to how long the marriage is.  Venturing a guess here, I think we mentally wander after 15 years for about 15 years and then at 30 years we settle in to appreciating the sex life we have with our old man. 

Of course, by this point we are in our fifties and no matter how good we look (for our age) unless we date blind men (not the kind who install shades) undressing in front of a new man can be as traumatic as trying on bathing suits in a well lite dressing room. 

You waited for your husband to die to live.  That's hard to admit especially to yourself, but you're not crazy.  You were 24 when you married and now you're 52...(finally playing with a full deck)

You're overindulging because now you can. You saw how quickly life can slip away. Pat yourself on the back that you didn't cheat.  Sounds like you had a fire going that no one man could match.

We all overindulge given the opportunity.  Widows have the opportunity.  Some of us shop, others drink, gamble and redecorate.  Wait...I do all four.  I'm not crazy. Or am I?

Be kind to yourself and make sure the characters you saddle up with are kind to you.  (unless you like it otherwise)