Friday, December 11, 2009

Holiday Widow Alert: Listening to Mozart Can Make Us Fat

I'd like to think of myself as a watchdog for all widows.  In other words, people, I've got your back. 

Holiday time can be especially difficult for widows and others who have lost a loved one - no matter how long it's been.  Those sappy seasonal songs that we sing off key bring us back to a place we've tried all year to tuck away.

The old familiar ornaments we drag out and put on the tree are a sentimental reminder of holidays past, too.  We tear up at the memory of our husband slipping off the stepstool and landing on the pointsetter and then blaming us. 

I still profess he returned one of my gifts because I couldn't stop laughing.  But, hold on, this isn't about me.   

 With so many 'joyful' countdown days until Hanukah (oh, wait, that starts today) and Christmas we tend to eat extra and with greater gusto.  Aren't we entitled to 14 potato latkas?  And, it's just plain rude to say no to a homemade Santa cookie. 

Stuffing our faces is our way of saying we are doing our best to keep up the holiday spirit.  However, an article in this morning's Newsday revealed a study that may help us to look in the mirror without thinking: Pork Chop.  

Doctors ar the Tel Aviv Sourasky Medical Center measured the energy expenditure of 20 infants born preterm while listening to Mozart in their incubator.  The findings showed Mozart lowered by at least 10% the quantity of energy they used. This means the babies may have been able to increase their weight faster.

To me, this screams out: Do not listen to Mozart!  You may be in danger of gaining weight.  So, go ahead and have that fifth glass of egg nog and wash it down with a chocolate snowman.  Just be sure that when you lift your glass to make a toast the background music is low brow, like Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer. (BTW: Used to think that song was funny...until I became a Grandma)

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

10 Stupid Things People Say to Widows About - Dating

1.  "Is he better in bed than your husband was?"  

2.    "I know it's sad that he died, but these days

      being a cougar is in!"

3.  "You're wearing that?  You're gonna have to get a

      whole new wardrobe!"

4.  "I hope this one doesn't drop dead."

5.  (from a divorcee) "At least you don't have to

     worry about running into him."

6.  "Too bad my husband is still alive.  You and I would

    have so much fun together on the prowl."

7.  "Aren't you afraid that your husband is watching you?"

8.  "Do you take down your husband's pictures when he comes over?"

9.  "What do you know about dating?  You married him right after

      high school."

10.  "Here's some advice I heard from comedian Cory Kahaney, "If you order

      lobster there's pressure to totally put out.  Order the chicken 

      so you just have to touch it." 

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Take Naps & Other Stuff We Can Learn From Dogs

Tony Boloney Waffles Scibelli

(This was sent to me and I wanted to share it with my readers...added a bit of my own spin to it)

 If a dog was our teacher, we would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

When it's in our best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded our territory.


Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On hot days, drink a lot of water and lie under a shady tree.

When we're happy, dance around, and wag our entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.  Stop when we've had enough. (yeah, right)

Be loyal.  Never pretend to be something we're not.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle him/her gently.

When we're having a bad day, lick our balls. 

(and for the women...we know what to do...)