My Tom is gone 7 years now. I am 54 and not in bad shape. My question is: Cosmetic surgery? What? When? How? Is this a post menoposal obsession?
I love your blog and your answers make me nod my head in agreement. So- what are your thoughts?
I am talking everything from ass to head. If I am going, I am coming out a new woman.
Thanks for helping me and all widows.
Miranda Who Wants to be Young Again
Dear Miranda Who Wants to be Young Again,
Well, Miranda, you know you're looking worn out when your bags are packed and we're not talking about your suitcase.
Your letter reminds me of a true (HA) story. God tells Harriet, a 70 year old woman, that she is going to live to be 100. She says to herself, "Self, if I have 30 more years I'm going to get me an overhaul".
She checks herself into a plastic surgery unit and has everything 'done'. In three months she's healed and looking fabulous. She strolls out of the building and with her chin held high (now she only has one) she steps into the
street and is creamed by a bus. Dead.
In Heaven she complains, "God, you promised I'd live to be 100!"
God responds, "Ooops, sorry...Harriet, I didn't recognize you".
Now Miranda - don't take this to mean I don't believe in cosmetic surgery or that I don't think you should do it. Where there is an entry for a joke I must take it. So I did.
Now it's surprising to me that you ask me what you should have done. I can't see you. You see you. If you are a relatively normal (whatever that is) over 45 yr. old woman you examine your face daily with a 7 times mirror and are horrified when even the suggestion of a new crease creeps on to the side of your mouth, or eyes, or neck.
Perhaps, it's just me - but I have to calm myself each day by reminding myself that no one actually sees me 7 times large. Recently I made the huge mistake of looking into a magnifying mirror with my six year old granddaughter. Skylar's complexion truly is peaches and cream and I was like
from the Whoopie Goldberg character who called old people - Raisins.
"Grandma, look at all your lines!" I swear Sky was smirking.
Here's the thing: Even ugly young people are more appealing than good looking old people. As my 92 yr. old mother-in-law states:
On Aging, by Fanny Scibelli
"It's no good when you get old."
I say go for it. Do whatever you think you need to feel better about yourself. Your face and body. Go for it. I'm not going to list all the available procedures. That's what Google is for. Use it. You lost your husband - not your mind. Check out and get references from reputable plastic surgeons.
Just be realistic about your results. You are 54 now and most procedures will make you look well rested, smoother but not actually much younger.
People will tell you you look great - but the add on "For your age" should be punishable by death.