Sunday, December 12, 2010

Young & Ugly Beats Old & Pretty

When did "Poor Widow Me" lose my appeal? Walking towards my office the cat calls from hunky construction workers were constant. I admit, that was in 1970 when I was twenty, but guys, have a heart. Can’t you eek out a pity whistle to make a 60 year old widow happy?

I'll believe that you think I'm hot. I promise you. My needy gene will argue with my rational brain and my needy gene will win.  I'm that self protective.  I may even flirt back and make a game of it, not like the little snots that dismiss you like the dirt you’re shoveling.

In spite of my less than stellar track record, I don’t have low self esteem. My self esteem is actually higher than it should be. I’m always surprised when men walk by me without giving me a second look. Sometimes, even the first look turns out to be a mistake; he’s either squinting at the sun or looking past me to some young thing with legs that start at my neck.

Still, I’m not totally living in fantasy land. I do own a mirror. I know when I’m out of my league. Recently, I was in an airport and noticed “Barbie” from behind. Her genes were painted on her colt like legs and her shoulder length hair was ridiculously bouncy, healthy and shiny. Her hair reminded me of the ‘locks’ in old Breck girl commercials.

I trotted after Barbie just like children run double time to keep up with their Moms. I had to see her face. I was on a mission to console myself that maybe God was on my side and he gave her ugly features.

I almost abandoned my suitcase to be able to run fast enough to catch up to her. The clincher is that with those legs she was as quick as a Giselle and my Dachshund legs were no match.

I never did see her face. But, I went home to Google 'Breck Girls.' Wikepedia gave me the following list of gorgeous women who were Breck girls between 1968 and 1976. They are all approximately the same age as I am today, a fact I celebrated with smug satisfaction.

HA! Their hay-day is over now too… although not really. They are still close to a 10 while my number is plunging faster than the stock market did in 2008.

Here’s a partial list: Cheryl Tiegs 63, Cybill Shepherd 60, Jaclyn Smith 63, Kim Basinger 57, Christie Brinkley 56.

My needy gene is definitely going to have to work overtime here to convince my rational brain that a taxi driver wouldn't run me down to pick them up.


  1. Yeah, but some of those youngins don't look half as good as you.

  2. Anonymous11:43 PM

    Awe, shucks...but hot for 60 is eeeh for 40! ahhhh

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