Thursday, March 08, 2012

Magic Number Six

Son-granddaughter-daughter and some stranger’s back

It came as a real surprise to me that so many of you wrote to ask about our family trip to Puerto Rico.  I was touched as I read your e-mails, but I stopped at 674. I have better things to do with my time, you know!
Below are a some questions/answers that I hand picked to share here.  While I appreciate your interest, I chose not to print the ones – that frankly – looked like they were written by a chimpanzee.  One was actually signed, Love, Zippy.
No offense, but now that I’m aware of the reading level of the people attracted to this blog I will attempt to dumb down my entries.  I honestly didn’t think that was possible.
Q & A  (Questions and Answers)
“On your trip to Puerto Rico did you end up going zip ling?”
NO – but we did go to a classy restaurant that zip lines the orders…
“I read that you hate to get wet, but did you go in the water, anyway?”
YES – and I left my spray tan in the pool – Walked in bronzed – came out white – a victim of chlorine poisoning…beware!
“Any provocative photos of you in a bathing suit you can post?
YES, very sexy…please check in daily– will post them sooooon…
“Did you bring home any souvenirs?”
YES – Cigars for my nephew – they had beetles in them.  He smoked them, anyway.  Now he’s addicted to beetles.
“Did you win in the casino?”
What is your definition of ‘win?’
Well, that’s all on the trip folks.  In all seriousness, along with discovering that San Juan has some steep hills and it’s a bad idea to wear sandals to town, year six for my family and me turned out to be the magic number for being comfortable on vacation together without expecting Jimmy to be around each corner.
I guess you could say we turned a corner.  It feels good – more than good – it feels great!   Wishing you the same on your journey…

Monday, March 05, 2012


Some may say having a puppet show with your toes is a waste of time

I leaned closer to the mirror and smiled.  My teeth are so big.  Is that chocolate?  When did I have chocolate? I’d better brush again… That will keep me from eating. It will also keep me from writing. Why do I keep stopping like this?
I got up from my computer and brought the 7X mirror back into my bathroom.  I hate writing. No I don’t – yes I do, not really…It’s just right now I can’t concentrate thinking I should floss.  No one would argue against flossing.  It’s healthy and not very strenuous.  Gum disease could kill me… Being dead won’t get me anywhere.
Some writers get lost in thought.  I get lost in a stray eyebrow hair. What the f&*# is wrong with me?  I know I left my tweezers right here.  Is that something a cleaning lady would steal? I think my hands are dry.  Oh, now the hand cream is making my fingers slip off the keyboard.  I’d better wait for it to soak in.  Maybe I’ll take Tony for a walk. Forget it. It’s raining.  
But, I can’t sit all day. I’ll get secretaries spread. Wow.  I wonder if the kids would know that old expression.  The other day they forgot George when I asked them if they could name all four Beatles. I’m sorry I asked. 
I’m going to Google ‘secretaries spread’ and send it to them. Why would I do that? They won’t care. I don’t even care. 
Okay…I’d better get back to this piece – It’s been rolling around in my head for a while.  Time to write it… What’s the point of having an idea if I don’t write it?  I need a deadline.  I need an incentive…like the house will burn down if I don’t have this finished by Friday.  That’s a good one.  Unless I’m giving myself a whammy.  
Uh-oh. I’d better check the batteries in the smoke detectors.  This has to be the reason I thought of that for a deadline consequence.  What a horrible way to go.  If there was a fire I wouldn’t be worrying about chocolate on my teeth. That’s for sure. 
How do you test fire alarms?  How do I know they’ll go off?  Tony would smell the smoke and wake me up, like Lassie or Rin-Tin-Tin…wow…haven’t thought of Rin-Tin-Tin in years.  I like German Shepards.  Wouldn’t want one though.  We used to call them gas station doggies.
Oh…I wonder if I’ll have time to stop for gas later…maybe I should go now while I have the time.  What am I talking about?  I don’t have the time.  I’m procrastinating again.  I don’t deserve to be successful.  It’s five after two and I wrote four sentences.  Why did I bother waking up early? 
I’d better check my e-mail.  And, just a quick zip into Facebook. Oh, no.  Davy Jones died!  I loved him.  He was so adorable. Weird that I was just thinking about the Beatles.  Only 66.  He still lived 10 years more than Jimmy. If I knew I was going to die at 66 what would I do differently? Oh..that’s a good blog.  But I just don’t seem to have time to write it. 
How do people finish book after book?  I’ll bet they never floss.